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  Gitch heard him out, but already found solutions to several of his concerns. “Use the players, or aliens. They can attack the fortress and lead the imps back to the glade, where all of your forces will be lying in wait. If killed, the aliens would simply respawn, saving your fully enhanced troops for the real battle. You could even station scouts along the way so you know precisely when to augment your warriors.”

  Congratulations! Diplomacy has increased to level 4!

  +8% chance to persuade

  Congratulations! Diplomacy has increased to level 5!

  +10% chance to persuade

  “That may work, but what of the portal? You can count on many imps fleeing the glade and returning home to guard their fortress once more. Even a medium sized garrison would be enough to repel our army,” Safiri reasoned. Gitch opened his mouth to speak, but it was Dwik who answered.

  “Oi, general! It’s not hard to figure, is it? Once the imps are off chasin‘ yer noob fodder, send some of yer raiders to sneak into their camp all secret-like. They would just head straight for the portal and its guardian. That way, even if some imps end up escaping yer trap, we do not lose our shot at the portal!” Dwik said matter-of-factly.

  Takaar asked the next question that had Gitch stumped. “But how do we draw them out? A simple raid will not be enough for them to leave their base sufficiently unguarded.” The room grew quiet as none of the eight assembled had any idea how to accomplish such a feat. None, it seemed, but the queen herself.

  “That is why I will be leading this raid,” Queen Tibura stated loudly.

  “No, my queen! The aliens are all a bunch of under-bellied novices. Good only for remedial tasks. They will not be able to protect you!”

  “General Safiri, though I appreciate your concern, you must remember that I am the true ruler of the Dufflin Forest, and am fully capable of protecting myself! I’ve trained and fought against the imps for hundreds of years. This is the only way to ensure the enemy gives chase. One look at me will send them into a bloodthirsty frenzy. You know this to be true!”

  The general sunk to a knee as he replied. “Queen Tibura, of course you are ruler, and I will follow you to the Lava Lands and back if you call for it. Know that I speak only out of love and devotion. You are powerful, but you are also only one fairy. Please, at least take some of the trainers with you as a royal guard. Those masters of magic will ensure your safety and may even keep some of the aliens alive. Either way, I request to remain by your side if you do so choose to lead the raid.”

  Gitch could tell that the queen did not feel the need to be surrounded by a guard of fairies, but that she also respected her general’s wishes. She stood up from her throne and lightly descended to the chamber floor. She put a hand on each of Safiri‘s shoulders and gently lifted him up.

  “I know your love for me, Safiri, and I will do as you say. I will take three of the trainers with me, and I will even let you designate which ones. However, you will not be accompanying me,” she said firmly.

  “My lady?” he asked.

  “No, I need you to lead our forces to the northern glade. You will be in charge of setting the trap and safeguarding our retreat. Once we arrive, I will look for you on the battlefield. I am counting on you, general.” She looked deep into his eyes until he nodded his assent.

  “Yes, my queen. Let it be so,” he said hoarsely. She gently patted his face and returned to her seat.

  “I suppose now we just need to convince the player population to fight, as well as put together a team who will infiltrate the base.”

  “Getting the players on board will be easy. Most will welcome the opportunity to be part of an actual raid. Make it a quest. Offer a nice reward with some experience and coin, and you will have aliens begging to join,” suggested Kraznik. He wasn’t wrong, but Gitch saw a problem with the plan. A problem of his own making. He nervously stuck his hand in the air.

  “There is just one issue with that,” he said sheepishly. “I may have already offered up a quest to an alien earlier today to raid the imp stronghold. It was an open invitation, meaning he could bring along any other aliens…or all of them.”

  “First, how in Shikolm’s hell did you offer a quest?0 Second, why is this a problem, just tweak the details slightly. This could actually be beneficial if the aliens are already preparing for a raid,” General Safiri said as he turned to look at Gitch.

  “Well, you see, I have this ability where I can create fake quests. Normally, I wouldn’t see an issue, but if you endorse this quest, I think they might try and hold you accountable for the reward.”

  “And what, do tell, was this reward you offered?” the queen asked, barely above a whisper. It was like the scariest mom voice he had ever heard.

  “Um…30 silver,” he said, not raising his eyes.

  “30 silver!” exclaimed Pinaki, Tibura, and Safiri all at once.

  “Yeah… um… each,” he said as he looked over at Dwik.

  The gnome wore a shocked expression and shook his head slightly. Dwik quickly looked away, not willing to be labeled an accomplice in Gitch’s mad scheme. “Jerk,” Gitch mumbled.

  “What, are you trying to bankrupt us!? Even if we defeat the imps, we will be sold into slavery to pay off our debt! Do you know how much a fairy goes for these days? I sure don’t!” Queen Tibura let loose on him, and she had a lot of pent up frustration from the day’s activities. She continued berating him for a good five minutes, most of which Gitch tuned out. He made sure to nod from time to time, and look sulky, but he was really trying to find a way out of the queen’s verbal bombardment before it turned magical. Now he knew what Kraznik meant when he said not one person would help him while he was being tortured. Alright, maybe not exactly the same, but still.

  The queen was just finishing calling his grandparents a soggy sack of mosquito spawn when an idea struck him.

  “Wait! I know how this can work in our-I mean your favor!” he had to correct himself mid-sentence when her hair, again, began to stand on end. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t smite him either. He figured that to be a good sign.

  “Offer an exclusive quest with some significant Fae reputation points but with a much-reduced payout, say a few silver each. In addition, once the portal is captured, any fairy that chooses your quest over mine may enter the portal once for free.”

  “And those that don’t? The aliens that choose to complete your more profitable quest?” she asked, still clearly angry, but with slightly less murder in her voice.

  “Two things. One, we send those fairies into the fray first. They will be the fodder. Second, you pay them the 30 silver.”

  “Well, fantastic! I should have thought of that!” she spat out.

  “I’m not done!” he said sharply. If she was going to kill him, fine, but he had a good friggin idea, and she was going to hear it!

  “Those fairies are paid their 30 silver, but do not gain a one-time use of the portal like the others. Tell me, your highness, how many aliens have left these woods since arriving? How many have succeeded? I have heard the only means of escape is through the Dead Wood to the west. Weeks of being chased by monsters or worse. Any player that even makes the attempt is killed within days, teleporting back here for respawn. For all intensive purposes, we are completely isolated… How much do you think an alien would pay to use the portal? 50? 100? 500 silver? Easy. You would make a fortune! What do you say, my queen?”

  She looked at him for 15 uneasy seconds. He couldn’t tell if she meant to skin him or hug him. He was beginning to think maybe both, when he received a system notification.

  Congratulations! Diplomacy has increased to level 6!

  +12% chance to persuade

  Congratulations! Diplomacy has increased to level 7!

  +14% chance to persuade

  Congratulations! Diplomacy has increased to level 8!

  +16% chance to persuade

  The queen let out a very un-queeny snort. Jackpot! Gitch knew he had won them ove
r, but he kept a straight face regardless. This was increasingly difficult, as apparently convincing a queen you had a good idea was worth a boat-load of Diplomacy experience.

  “You have quite the mind, Brother Gitch. I think that will work out well. In fact, I think we will legitimize your quest. General, send notice to The Hall of Necessities. We are suspending all quests but these two for the next 36 hours. Have the quest givers push for ours, but if the players choose Gitch‘s, let them. We will keep the portal cost a secret… for now!” she said with a smirk. If there was one thing all fairies agreed on, it was pranking. This might have toed the line with swindling his fellow aliens, but it wasn’t like he really cared. Some might think this was a bit much, but those people probably weren‘t fairies.

  “I will send out the order immediately, my queen,” General Safiri confirmed with a grin.

  The queen chuckled and stood up once more. She looked into each of their eyes and bowed her head slightly. “I want to thank each of you for your words of wisdom and chicanery. I believe we have the workings of a plan that has a very real chance of victory. I will ask Sergeants Pinaki and Takaar, and of course you General Safiri, to stay so we can discuss who will make up the infiltration squad. The rest of you are dismissed. Train, prepare, sleep. Do what you must. Tomorrow, we fly to battle!” In that moment, she looked every bit the warrior queen. She waved them off, and those not called to stay bowed low.

  Secret Quest Completed: Queen’s War Counsel

  Queen Tibura invited you to advise on matters of great importance concerning the seemingly never-ending Imp War. You even managed to impress her once or twice!

  Reward:

  2750 (2500) experience gained

  HARK! You have manifested to level 6! Continue on this journey to realize the furthest depths of your true self!

  You have gained 1 attribute point to distribute.

  Health increased from 103 to 123

  Mana increased from 435 to 522

  Stamina increased from 266 to 319

  Chapter 23

  Dwik, Faik, Kraznik, and Gitch strode down the passage, two of them with large smiles on their faces. Never did he think he would actually level up inside the fairy town, but hanging out with NPCs had its perks. He was flying high, well, not really. They chose not to fly, as it didn’t seem right to leave Dwik to walk the long passage by himself.

  It was as they reached the halfway point between the queen’s chamber and the ramp down that Faik walked up beside Gitch and asked pointedly, “So, do you really not know anything about pink magic? Who was your greeter, for Dufflin sake?”

  Gitch let out a sigh. Dwik, who was in the lead, raised his right hand high for Faik to see.

  “I don’t wanna hear ‘bout it, shorty,” Dwik said without turning or breaking stride.

  “Well that explains a lot,” Faik mumbled under his breath. “I am no trainer, but I do know the colors of magic. Fae magic at the least. Pink is the color of alteration magic. I assume you have an ability or two that allows you to change or alter something, or maybe even someone? That is probably what also allows you to create your own false quests. Alteration fairies are rare, but they do tend to be the best tricksters! Also, your golden hair means you probably have a high affinity for light magic. It won’t be as strong as your alteration magic, but it should be easy enough for you to pick up. You should also know that you may stumble upon new spells from these two branches through natural progression, but all others need to be learned and may not act as expected.”

  Gitch had wondered why he hadn’t seen any other pink fairies. Apparently, he was a bit of an oddity. It sure explained his strange ability set and the fact that Todd could augment fairies. He was a natural born prankster. No wonder Lily didn’t want him to have a macho name!

  Congratulations! You have uncovered your true class: Prankster!

  True pranksters are masters of mirth and mischief. You are quick to make good friends, but possibly quicker to make mortal enemies. You are a liar, a deceiver, and a lover of fun. Learn your place, and learn to block. Good luck!

  +5% effectiveness for alteration magic

  +15% chance for diplomacy

  “My true self is that of a deceiver? Is that going to be a problem?” Gitch asked, nervously.

  “Hey, you’re still a Dufflin fairy! Pranksters can be right helpful, and the good ones can be very powerful indeed!”

  “Thanks, I guess. Any other tips or tricks you feel like sharing?”

  “Well, I can see you are a full kinsman, so I guess there is one other secret I can share,” he said in a low whisper.

  Interest fully piqued, Gitch asked excitedly, “What secret?”

  Faik gestured toward the pair in front. Both Dwik and Kraznik had turned their heads ever so slightly to catch whatever Faik was about to say. Gitch stopped in his tracks and said innocently, “You guys go ahead, Faik and I will catch up with you at the bottom.”

  “Aww, come on!” Kraznik whined while giving himself away at the same time.

  Dwik had some colorful words as well. Words that made both Faik and Gitch say, “No cursing!” in unison. Gitch received another 5% experience bonus, which brought a poorly hidden smile to his face. Dwik, not understanding, flicked him on the nose.

  “Hey, that friggin hurt, you wannabe giant!” Gitch said through gritted teeth.

  “I am a giant, go ask yer mum!” Dwik retorted.

  Gitch glared at him for exactly 3.4 seconds. That was as long as he could last before his facade shattered, leaving him with one large fairy grin plastered on his face. He flew up to meet Dwik at chest level, and the two fist bumped.

  “Missed ya bud,” Gitch said in the most masculine fairy way possible, which really didn’t sound any different, but made him feel better.

  “You too, tampon!” Dwik lost himself in a fit of giggles. “Kraznik, here, told me what that was. It sure be a fittin’ description!”

  Aaaaaaaand moment gone. How did that even come up? He could just picture Dwik walking over to the imp. “Hey Kraznik, how’s the weather? Seen any of my goats around? What’s a tampon?” No way does that fit into a normal conversation.

  “Come on, Kraz, let’s give ‘em some alone time. Where you stayin’ anyway? Got room for me.”

  Kraznik chuckled at Gitch’s shocked expression and said, “The Stupored Gnome.”

  “Well yer a stupid imp!” Dwik replied back. Kraz received his own flick on the nose, which brought Gitch into his own fit of laughter.

  “No! The Stupored Gnome, you stupid gnome! You stick that near my face again and I’ll bite it off!” Kraznik shouted.

  “Funny you say that…” The two continued bickering all the way down the hall. Gitch watched them go until they were well out of earshot and then turned to face Faik.

  “So, what’s up?” he asked the lemony fairy.

  “There is a sacred place found deep within this tree. Therein lies The Sentinel, a being of extraordinary wisdom and power. I believe you are ready to meet him and face the trial,” Faik answered as if nothing had just happened. He wasn’t the least bit curious what a tampon was, for which Gitch was eternally thankful.

  “Trial? What trial?!” Gitch asked in concern. All he could think of was Indy kneeling before two giant saw blades that were ready to split him open. Great movie, but he was not up for reliving it.

  His great friend, Faik, must have seen the concern on his face, for he comforted him by saying the one thing men have been saying to each other for time immemorial.

  “Oh, just grow a pair!”

  “Fine, but if there’s a magic cup, you drink first, and it stays in the room!” he shot back. At least if there was an invisible bridge or a path puzzle, he could just fly over it. Take that Harrison!

  They turned down a side passage, and then another, and another one after that. At times they traveled upwards, and others down. Gitch thought their path wrapped around the tree at least twice. The tunnel system inside the massive Banyan Tree was just as r
andom, if not more so, than the external limbs which shot out in every direction. At one point they were even forced to hop down a small hole in the floor, which would have proved fatal if not for their ability to fly. The way was so winding and chaotic that he was completely lost. The one thing he knew for sure was that the deeper they traveled, the stronger the sweet chocolatey smell grew. Gitch kept an eye out for anyone resembling a Keebler, but the only other living souls they passed happened to be fairies as well.

  After one last bend in the tunnel, they finally came to a set of thick double doors. Green luminescent runes were carved into its surface, which exuded both a sense of power and mystery. Gitch’s previous hesitation was replaced with a desire to charge ahead to what must have been the source of the smell wafting about the whole of the tree. He felt like he was standing on the threshold of the world’s largest, most delicious chocolate shop. He wasn’t sure if he would be greeted by Keebler Elves, or Oompa Loompas, but it would amount to the same, glorious, chocolate filled ending.

  He watched with heavy anticipation as Faik knocked on one of the heavy doors. A small window appeared, revealing the green face of the Hulk. Only a small amount of the fairy was visible, but it was clear why this aberration was chosen for guard duty of Fae-thil’s version of Area 51.

  “Hey Faik! I didn’t know you were back!” he said in the deepest fairy voice Gitch had ever head.

  “Thoom! Just got back today, matter of fact. Imp troubles of course. Would you mind letting us in? I have here a new brother, ready for the trial,” he said, nodding his head in Gitch’s direction.

  “Hmm… looks weak to me, but so does everyone I guess!” The gargantu-fairy laughed heartily. Gitch wasn’t pleased but decided it best to hold his tongue.

  “Well I can tell you are a Kinsman so I have no reason to bar you access. I wish you luck, Brother.”

  “Thanks. So… what kind of trial is this again?” he asked.

  “You’ll see!” Thoom said with a toothy grin.

  Gitch heard the sound of metal on metal followed by a loud click. The door swung inward, revealing a small room and a massive Thoom. He had thought Faik’s new form, which had since worn off during their trip, had been large, but Thoom barely resembled a fairy at all. He stood a good 12 inches tall, and his massive girth was nothing to sneeze at.